#not many ppl post about my interests in a way I like
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I’ve been spending less and less time on this stupid ass website recently and honestly….. good
#idk I just don’t find it as? enjoyable as I once did?#which is sad in a way cuz I’ve used tumblr YEARS now and I DO enjoy the way the platform functions#and I for the most part enjoy the space I’ve created#but idk#it’s getting harder and harder to find ppl I actually want to follow and interact with#not many ppl post about my interests in a way I like#and while I once had a pretty active and good chunk of ppl I followed#more and more of them are starting to be inactive#on top of that I’ve been fighting the urge to just drop off of social media entirely recently anyways#like idk….. something about it all of a sudden has started to feel very draining and not fun#not that I have a lot of social media accounts to begin with…..#but I have been seriously debating just deleting most of them#I think part of it is not wanting old ppl in my life having a method of contacting me haha#but also it’s not like I use or enjoy them that much anyways#idk I have some mutuals on here I still enjoy interacting and seeing their posts and such obviously#but idk…. just not been feeling it lately#which in a lot of ways is a good thing! the amount of time I spend on my phone has dropped A LOT#I mostly just use it on breaks at work now and for a little bit before bed#other than? I’ve been actually engaging in hobbies and not mindlessly scrolling#mostly gaming writing and cooking and idk it’s been nice#I doubt I’d ever actually delete this blog#I’ll be here until this website goes down#I am starting to feel like my activity might be slowing down a lot from what it once was tho#kaz rambles
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find another role, carry on the show
#EDIT IT DIDNT SAVE MY TAGS. hey so this post got a thousand notes huh. interesting. surely nothing will change#i'll leave all the old tags. for my thought process. and its kinda funny#take a bow stupid idiot (throws a tomato at them)#in stars and time#isat#siffrin#siffrin no middle names no last name ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧#... or is it. Smiles#i'd like to draw mira for her birthday but um (hasnt open artfight website in a few days) im scared.#also i have NICE ASKS TO ANSWER.... But im scared. give me a minute#Uawaaaaagh i drew this bc i was trying to animate a little bit but it just . Didnt look good. im not good ag 2d animation#tch. ill keep trying cause there ar e way too many songs that and now about isat because i have brain worms. i need amvs.#IM SCARED TO POST THINGS THAT ARE SPOILERY BECAUSE I WANT MY FRIENDS TO PLAY ISAT. BUT.#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sasasap#sasasa:p#WHAT IS THE PROLOGUES TAG.#tshirt that says 'i <3 killing the image in the mirror and taking its place' on the fromt#and a list of megan thee stallions tour dates on the back. お金稼ぐ俺らはスター#Im kind of tempted to edit this to be the versiom with the eyes. or maybe twt can have that. or. well#all of my friends are on twt (trombone slide sfx) so maybe thats where i should worry about spoilers.#ill see if i want to slap an eyepatch on them in the morning#Im one of those people who was like idgaf about twohats (lets it simmer for a week) Oh my god. Oh my god. Ohmy god#EDIT. i swapped it out for the Eyes version it should be fine as long as its tagged formspoilers right...#ill post eyepatch vers on twt partly bc spoilers but also ppl over there can be .. annoying ..... ....#i fear i would get 800 You Forgot The Eyepatch replies. PLEASE JUST SEE MY VISION.#[BANGING MY HANDS ON THE GLASS] HIS HAND. LIKE IN THE PROLOGUE. WHEN THEYE. HANDS. HELD[EXPLOSION
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purely fanon jason vent below so feel free to ignore
every other fic in the jason todd tag whether its romantic or platonic or whatever just has to include something about the no kill rule or him giving up killing like is it not enough ! have we not hashed out this argument enough already ! can I not read some jason content without having to be randomly bombarded by the morality police and how “oh jasons not killed anyone for x amount of months thats great! we knew u could do it jay”
and I wish I was just joking like I really do but I have scoured the tag almost from top to bottom and it always, without a doubt, has to come up at some point. its his fucking defining character trait apparently. mind u he’s not even the only dc character that kills but yall just won’t let it go! I do not need jason giving up his stance on killing to be written out for me to be able enjoy content about him
and whether its included so that his relationships with other characters can be viewed as ‘realistic’ is just so. what does it matter. its already fan-fiction who the hell cares about justifying the universe that you’re choosing to write him in
#jason todd#dc#red hood#dcu#pls do not interact if u have issues with jasons stance on vigilantism or whatever bc this is rlly not my point#idc whether u hate him for it or not to each their own#I just wish it wasn’t treated as some sort of stain on his character that needs to be addressed in every fic he appears in or else he —#cant be liked or something#like thats a topic that has to be addressed for my love of jason todd and his character and the love other charas have for him to be valid#its giving ‘jason u cannot be loved the way that u are’#and this reiterates the point I made in a previous post about how ppl genuinely dont know how to perceive this conflict and its resolution#the other way around#and how bc of that its always jason who has to be portrayed as making amends or taking a knee#there are so many interesting facets to jason todd so why does it always have to circle back to this one thing#why is it that hes one of the only charas ive seen where a certain plot point can never be looked past when enjoying him in fandom#fanart
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resisting the urge to be annoying and ramble about how kieran's arc wouldn't really work if transplanted onto hop or wally without changing core parts of their own personalities + stories + motivations, essentially ( most likely unintentionally ) pigeonholing them as the " weaker rival " archetype despite how all three grow far beyond that.
#listen kieran's arc is extremely interesting but there are so many factors that play into it being wholly his ya know?#both hop and wally come from wildly different environments and upbringing than kieran that don't facilitate >>>#either of them going down similar pathes as kieran not to mention the clear difference in personalities and temperments#i'm all for a good au of course i just think saying that hop & wally should've been like kieran is missing the point of their own arcs#and failing to recognize what makes them interesting rivals in their own right#that and i think kieran deserves to have their arc as something that's uniquely theirs#idk i love hop kieran and wally a lot and they're all so interesting in their own ways despite all their similarities#i don't wanna seem like i'm telling ppl not to have their fun either which is why i'm not jumping immediately into making a big post abt it#tho if ppl poke me w/ a stick enough i'd be willing to make a more in-depth post about this#bc this is just the basics of my thoughts on this i could go into greater detail#but i'll stop here for now#mj.txt
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youtube
Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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I think one of the weirdest signs that I was trans was that I was fine with being called a woman but NOT a cis woman. I felt awful cuz I was like “do I have a problem with people calling me cis even tho I am???” cuz I am NOT someone who minds being called accurate descriptors such as cis. I felt like I just wanted to be special or something even tho that wasn’t it and felt so bad. Something just felt really wrong about being called a CIS woman. Definitely one of the more thought provoking signs I was trans lol
#was it cuz ‘cis’ implied I had accepted it? idk cuz I WAS fine with being a woman (as far as I knew)#just some weird subconscious thing I guess. I remember admitting it to my sister at the time lol#I don’t think there are rlly many other interesting signs for me tbh. except that I only corrected ppl online when they called me he if it#either went on so long that I felt bad for them OR we were arguing and I needed something new for them to be wrong about lmao#but similar to the actual post there is ONE thing I still find interesting. which is I watched a gacha cringe video (some were ridiculous#but I often defended them) and there were some where it said ‘I wish I was a boy so I could be gay’ and everyone’s like being disgusted by#this presumably little girl acting like she’s the creepiest fujoshi ever but LITERALLY I’ve had similar thoughts. anything that starts with#‘I wish I was a boy’ obviously has trans implications even if you don’t like what comes after it lol. but like honestly. I would imagine#myself in relationships with guys (mostly fictional characters as u do) and I just hated the idea that it was straight#like same situation as the post. I felt awful cuz I would be FINE with being straight (which I knew I wasn’t anyways) so why did I need to#be special or whatever? it’s cuz just like the post that WASNT the problem. it just felt wrong to me that I wasn’t a boy. so I BASICALLY#wanted to be a boy so I could be in a mlm relationship just like those gachas. it’s just a roundabout way of realizing ur trans.#to be clear I very much had to imagine myself as a guy (typically another fictional character DUH) in order to enjoy it at all#I just realized this sounds sexual. most of it wasn’t actually but the rest is my business LMAOO
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Guys why is rain world so good (<- rewatched some scenes and teared up on all of them)
#rat rambles#rain posting#god man. holy shit. fuckkkkkk#rain world may not be one of my token big interests but god does it just hit me so fucking hard whenever I do engage with it#I also think after rewatching some stuff that my general takes on how rain world's world works have shifted a smidge#which is also giving me some more ideas for saint hcs#I feel like the biggest thing Im seeing differently now is the concept that the saint has no beginning or end#one big theme of rain world is the way that all cycles eventually come to an end#societies iterators and even the lives of the animals that wander about#theyre trapped but within these cycles they still move forward and eventually fade just like everything else#but the saint doesnt. they never can. in that way they are a paradox#for when even time itself eventually fades what becomes of the being who will never be allowed to slow in their decent?#overlapping onto themself infinitely until what is and isn't them becomes irrelevant#have they lived many times or were they ever even alive to begin with?#at the end of the day they will never know. its a peace they wont ever find#as they are simply a lil guy who is stuck in a real mind boggling situation#anyways thanks pebbles dialogue for helping me get a better grasp on saint stuff have fun being dead buddy#it also makes me feel even worse for the echos because theyre likely in similar positions#not the exact same given Im sure none of them had the powers to fly and ascend ppl but still#in my minds eye tho theyre more themselves than saint is#for better or for worse#the rest of the echos are stationary. unable to move forwards or back#while the saint continues to spiral onwards and onwards in ways that break the very core of this universe#or smth like that idk. Im just rambling abt nonsense at this point lol#but yeah I imagine the sain to be both trapped and stretched across time#most things exists whinin cycles of cycles but the saint takes that concept to the extreme#most things much more so develop and change as time moves forward but the saint kind of just is#but like. is a lot. like there's a lot of them. but that them is stretched like super thin#they overlap themself and keep stretching to infinity#and with that sort of overlap it makes sense that in what conscious state they do have they simply experience each overlap eternally
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if im being honest and allowing myself to vent a bit about it ... another red flag was when the DM went 'wow i love the detail of your backstory but idk what i can do with it tho ):'
#[static]#it immediately made me feel bad for trying to make a character work with the aesthetic she had given us tbh#i could already tell she didnt seem to be super character story driven so i just made a pretty simple drifter-type#for a post-apocalyptic setting n such and made a group that tied into the whole over-arching premise#i also literally just did bullet points cuz i could tell she wasn't gonna want to read one of the backstories i usually do#and as someone who has mostly dm'd in the past i did my v best to make a character that was super easy for the dm to incorporate in any way#like a solid reason for being there a reason for wanting to adventure with strangers a reason for seeing the mission through no matter what#made a whole small faction and connected them to the overarching theme and plot in multiple ways#wrote down lore and npcs she could use for the faction if she didnt want to make up her own#like all the works and all i got was two sentences back about it ... one of them being like 'cool but i dont like the extra details'#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh#ok im done yelling now i just need to vent for a second#i feel bad for feeling kinda bummed about the experience because this is the first time i got to play at a physical table in years#and i know how hard it is to DM#but also when you come to the table with zero notes for the first session its ... probably gonna be disappointing jkfghdf#i DID have fun however because the party banter was hilarious and it was fun getting to hang out with ppl!#but communication between DM and players was not great#also let me be clear she did like that i made so many connections and hooks into the story and it helped her a lot#she was NOT interested in my character's past like ... jobs or npcs#but also u could just Not say anything about it and just be like 'sweet cool thanks for the info' LMAo
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can’t stop intellectualizing about barbie
#maybe ill post a rant later#tales from diana#it's funny. i've written a lot in my private diaries and notebooks about how much i love dolls and have always loved dolls#and what an impact they've had on me personally and wider popular culture#and why i view them as both products and art#etc etc etc#but i dont really try and convince others of those points even on this personal blog where ill rant about truly ANYTHING stupid i want#its not like im worried about anyone judging or tearing apart my opinions (my followers first of all would never)#(i dont think tumblr generally would either. maybe some pockets of tumblr but theyd have to find it somehow)#i guess for me its just a very introspective topic first of all bc it goes back to my early childhood and covers basically all of my life#and i dont assume the history of my life is something that interests most people very much#like most ppl dont really wanna hear about how many similarities i find between playing w dolls and writing poems#(altho ive written and posted poems on that topic before!)#it would be interesting specifically to ppl who know me well. which is probably why ive also talked about this a lot w my sister#kaily and i would literally play games of dolls that would last entire days for like several days in a row#playing w dolls was my FAVORITE thing in the world hands down as a kid. and it did so much good for me#but also barbie and other fashion dolls are so culturally and historically significant and impactful in many underappreciated ways#justice to all doll lovers. xoxoxox
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guess who got first place at pride trivia today :3
#perks of being a closeted queer autistic teenager on the internet#on the one hand it was great bc yay first place#but also kinda disheartening bc so many ppl didn't know any of this stuff#like. this is literally the pride club we're all gay here what the fuck do you mean you don't know any of these#this is literally the most basic shit you get when you google pride trivia#like cmon ppl we gotta learn our queer history#i was vibrating trying not to infodump all the related trivia bc the ppl didn't rlly seem super interested tbh#and like. i don't mind ppl not knowing like everybody has to start somewhere but i do mind ppl not caring about their history#like do you think you exist in a vacuum. everything we have rn is bc ppl fought for the right to exist as we are. don't you care about that#sigh. i guess im lucky i found queer spaces online and was able to learn a bunch of queer history from other ppl#and also i need to get into more political spaces irl bc these ppl are killing me i swear#just. i need to be around more ppl who actually give a shit and are actually doing something to try and improve things no matter how little#ppl i actually trust politically yknow#and with these ppl i just keep getting glimpses where im like. i feel like that was kinda mean or judgemental but idk if im being sensitive#which is kinda weird bc i never actually worry about that with my friends or ppl who are just kind in general#so maybe it's not just me being weird and these ppl are actually just not a good fit for me bc i always kinda dislike being around them#idk. this has gone a long way from being a cheerful post abt getting first place in pride trivia lol#mine
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the reason i dont talk as much about jjba cecio is bc he is very strongly a piss take of the 'one good pig' because he is the 'one good cop' but hes actually so much worse. hes using a mask of humor and kindness and relate-ability to help aid in murder blackmail wrongful imprisonment and all manner of massive power abuses, but because he does the bare minimum of pretending to be a 'good' person [in the right way] he gets free license to do all that and is seen as sympathetic. so actually hes not worse, hes just an average fucking pig with slight different motivations it doesn't matter if he answers to the police or criminal organizations, because the fucking pigs are their own gang just under the guise of 'upholding the law' and hes betraying his community and ruining peoples lives over and over for power either way
#thebirdspeaks#oc: cecio#essay in teh tags about crows self doubt about how well they handle mature topic and if ppl will think badly of them if they dont do it per#perfect so they dont post shit bc they r worried about the piss on the poor reading comprehension of the internet or worse#being seen as sympathetic 🤢 to cops 🤮#in 1... 2... 3...#im not spilling my personal shit#but like. i worry about sharing more of what he does bc im worried people wont understand how im writing him#bc shits subjective but im writing from my own experience with abusers and cops and just authority in general#its why hes hands down the worst of Celia & Co. they are all awful#but him especially so.#ive debated rewriting him cause its hard to write but i like how it affects his character even when its uncomfortable to write and even mor#so to share#idk. maybe i will end up just make him into a mortician or forensics guy#but like. him abusing all the ways the law is corrupt for his own goals and using all the defenses even better than the other pigs#positioning himself as the good one while making sure none else is and being the worst#is my own commentary on the joke that is the justice system. and i find it interesting#idk i think a lot of it is my personal discomfort. and i would hate to be labeled as like. 🤢 supporting pigs. in my writing#idk#this might get deleted idk i think im to sensitive to potential criticism from bad faith reading#but idk if i do handle it well or not#but then again im not a major fucking tv show let me fuck up a lil#i guess i just scrutinize how people write cops a lot#and thinking the internet has bad reading comprehension is not a baseless anxiety#eh fuck it i think i can do my lil fukcing thing#i just dont want people to see it as in poor taste#cause i worry they would be right? but like so many ppl in fandom be wilding maybe i can get a pass for maybe being a lil clumsy?
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Ok I'm back on the nugget obsession grind. Juliet Loki and Parker in ruina fighting alongside each other like it's a love language while Saxxly and Roland just sorta awkwardly fight like normal people around them
#rat rambles#oc posting#lobotomy posting#loki absolutely Hates parker's guts in lob corp but I think he warms up to them during ruina#mainly because I imagine the two click quite well in combat and loki very much enjoys combat so thats enough to get him to slow down the#parker hate train especially since parker themself has mellowed out a bit since lob corp#plus loki cant deny that they make juliet happy so he eventually gives in and gives them the thumbs up#he mostly hated parker before because he would regularly say some pretty nasty things abt juliet#well tbf parker would regularly call everyone and everything an embodiment of evil so juliet wasnt special#well ok they did treat her as uniquely evil but like it was mostly a part of their whole song and dance they had going on#but the two eventually actually managed to somewhat successfully bridge the gap between their beliefs#so while parker still will say it is evil to exist and all that jazz theyve kind of accepted that they enjoy to engage in said evil now#so theyve chilled out a lot in terms of their beliefs and while they're still a judgy bitch at least now theyre having fun with it#and juliet and loki are both also judgy bitches so they can now be three judgy bitches#they all still suck as people they just all get along now and have made peace with their situation#not in the sense that they retrospected on their past actions just that juliet and loki were real bummed out that lob corp didnt work out#but maybe the real meaning of life was the friends we made along the way <3 (they have traumatized so many fucking ppl with no regret)#in general my keter has a real theme of wow this is unsatisfying as hell#a bunch of shitty assholes just fully coming out the other end happy without having to better themselves as people#well maybe not saxxly I dont think shes capable of being happy lol#I am interested in giving her some kind of arc tho Im just not sure what kind#mainly its about how much I wanna lean into the unsatisfying nature of this floor#generally one of the big things Im going for with my nuggets is that this isnt their story#and as such the trajectory of their characters aren't always going to be fair or satisfying#I do still want to give some of my less shitty guys room to grow and find joy ofc but many shitty assholes will get away scott free#primarily yuri isnt even slightly bummed by all this shes doing great#she and maxim are chilling with binah and having a gay ol time#anyways I accidentally stayed up too late without showering so time to go to bed sad and dirty
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#girl i have so many teshes thoughts its INSANE#me starting with haha actually this ship has no basis i just want to Put Tesilid Through It#but over the past few months of brainrotting their dynamic is now like.#what if we were doomed from the start and there was never anything either of us could do to save the other#(not even talking about the regression but rather the stigma bearer thing and how they have no social power)#(but also the regression thing)#what if we loved each other throughout all the lifetimes but there could never be a happy ending. tragedy dogs our footsteps#what if we were 'guy who has a good head on his shoulders and recognises our low social positions and looks out for his friends in similar#predicaments' x 'guy who is way too giving and this is bad bc the world is out to get him and he loves ppl too much to care about#the danger to himself'#what if we were 'guy who is way too giving' x 'guy who wants to protect him but Cant'#doomed ships.....#swings hestio around i like you SO much. i need to put you under a microscope and in a fish tank#(statements that should not ever be viewed by people outside of tumblr)#some of my fic outlines has notes that are like 'wow if they had the transmigrators privilege this wouldnt even have been a problem'#and im suddenly very appreciative of canon#god bless canon tesilid may you be happy. not my fanfic tesilid though im making him miserable#anyway. the more i think about it the more interesting hestio's internal conflict could be#it's about being so acutely aware of how shit their lives already are that he knows having a r/s that is frowned upon would just#make things worse#also i am very much hooked by the fact that like. nowadays i keep seeing ship posts about 'killing myself in front of you to change the#trajectory of your life forever'#for teshes its the opposite. hestio is desperately trying to make sure tesilid doesnt off himself#and also its not hestio dying that changes the trajectory of tesilid's life forever it's hestio confessing#and somehow this inflicts more pain on tesilid in the long run#which is extremely funny bc for all the notes that ive written abt teshes hestio has only confessed like umm. checks notes. 3 times#1. drunk (tesilid is not in the room) 2. the world is ending#like if hestio had managed to take this to the grave like he had originally planned then this could have been avoided#but the tragedy is that tesilid lives thru this multiple times so at least ONE time hestio's going to blab and that forever changes things#crying in fic writing being stupidly hard
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ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...
#like ig am i the only one who thinks its kinda weird when ppl would pass fanfics around??#ig its just kinda normal now or whatever but think about it. youd hafta be closer friends with someone- besides just sharing an interest-#to see their slash fics right?? doesnt it seem kinda weird that ppl used to be so willing to toss that out there#ig the level of anonymity helps but my point isnt rly about the fics so much as it is... sharing information thats personal to you#i definitely didnt know how to assert boundaries as a kid- like i just didnt know it was an option for me to be like 'no i dont want to do#that' -wow that sounds really fucked up outloud huh!#ig my autonomy was taken from me so much as a kid i kinda just assumed i wasnt the one who got a lot of choices#and no one really taught me enough about internet safety .-. my mom did once but... she didnt push very hard#and that ended me up in a lot of shitty situations- like on here. how i posted a pic of myself when i was a fuckin child#sexualizing myself and some adult commented something suggestive back to me and ig i just. thought i had to accept the situation#like i just. thought it was ok to happen. ig since i had so many ppl rob me of my bodily autonomy before that it just seemed normal#or at the very least it was something i couldnt change so i didnt try and at the time figured i had to accept as normal#and since no one intervened to tell me what any of those ppl did to me was wrong i just. didnt think about how it effected me or if that#even mattered#so why is my life so dark exactly whys it gotta be like this tho#ig its kinda hypocritical of me to post this. i mean i use my account as like a diary sometimes or that im just yelling into the void lol#but thats also kinda because of all of this honestly. i think i realized i didnt want it to be that way for a while and stopped#but after all the shit with my abuser on here its like.. i feel like i cant not be as open as i am?#idk its like... a testimony or something ig. idk how to describe it. ig i just feel like ill always hafta be defending myself online from#everything. and if i dont talk about every little thing that makes me fucked up then people wont leave me tf alone about shit i cant contro#or change. like i cant go back in the past and not do whatever. but also as far as any actual harm ive done there isnt really... much there#ive had shitty ideas normalized to me sure but i dont really feel like i passed those ideas on to anyone really
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RANDOM LUKE COOPER HC'S
a/n: writing a fic for him and he's just so cute and i keep getting ideas for him ahh my cinephile bf i need him might fuck around and write some NSFW ones later (SORRY THIS IS REALLY LONG I GOT CARRIED AWAY) bf! headcanons are here!!
he's very quiet if he's not talking about movies
not audibly just like only gives one word or one sentence answers
which means he's a VERY dry texter (it's not personal he's just like that)
though he does post his every unfiltered thought to his twitter (which has SOO many followers like a shitton)
doesn't understand typing in lowercase and thinks it's dumb (but if you type in lowercase he won't call it dumb but he'll express he thinks it's weird)
has the worst handwriting ever but that's because it's almost like a kind of unreadable script (like doctor handwriting)
he listens to all kinds of music really aside from like pop or country
also really likes monty python
he really likes musicals (singing in the rain, phantom of the opera, the sound of music) b/c he was introduced to them when he was very young so they're very nostalgic for him
but he'll never mention it because his friends would make fun of him for it
(would LOVEEEEEEEE la la land)
used to read books a lot more when he was younger
is a superhero comic book fan
he can play piano really well (parents made him play) he just doesn't give a fuck about piano
he's also like crazy smart and would do super well in school if he applied himself he just doesn't care
he really wants to switch his major to film studies but his parents wouldn't approve (but he's thinking about doing it anyway)
became completely desensitized to gore and nudity at a young age because he'd always just watch whatever movies his dad put on
wrote a series of letters to quentin tarantino as a kid and got one letter back and it's his most prized possession
likes maintaining eye contact with people for too long because it makes them uncomfortable
just generally likes messing with people and being a little shit b/c he likes how easy it is to mess with ppls emotions cause they're so predictable (which is kinda a red flag but he's never really taken something too far)
b/c of this no one really takes him seriously which bothers him a bit but he knows it's his fault
which is why when you do actually take interest in what he says he finds himself falling for you
he never got "lost" in the forest with michael he just hates being in nature and michael was annoying him so he walked back to the car
after a bit he looked outside and saw everyone panicking so he got out and went back to the group and everyone was acting like he died
he thinks it was too far for his parents to cut michael off but he also didn't care
thinks michael's annoying at times but the things he does are funny and he uses him as content for his twitter
has been so engrossed in his own world his whole life he doesn't think about girls
though his main crushes are sarah connor (terminator), the bride (kill bill), storm (x-men), and mikaela banes (transformers - but he hates the transformer movies)
but he has very little or no experience at all
he's probably the first in his friend group to have a girlfriend too
his only knowledge about talking to girls is from movies so yk the james bonds, george clooney, harrison ford are his main influences
which means if he has a crush on you he'll just stare at you all the time, bother and tease you relentlessly and try to banter cause that's the only way he knows how to get closer
he'll also try by memorizing your coffee order
if you don't drink coffee he'll try to find out what you do drink (without directly asking you)
he'll never confess, you'll have to first and use the most straightforward language or else he won't take a hint
once you start dating he has no idea how to treat you anymore
he just constantly flips between being the sweetest bf ever and the bane of your existence
if he annoys you too much and you get upset his first response will be "what? i didn't even do anything" or some other cheeky response
you'll have to help him to unlearn that
though he's a very caring boyfriend and would help you carry things around the office and drive you places and get you presents
doesn't give a fuck about most things (other than you and movies)
he just is so obsessed with you and loves being around you all the time
he's not incredibly keen on pda but sometimes he'll hold your hand and kiss your cheek in public
if you kiss him in front of other people he'll get really flustered and be noticeably disoriented for a bit after
feels weird using pet names but he'll use the occasional baby or babe
he'll discover how good it feels to cuddle it'll be his favorite thing to do along with watching movies with you
run your hands through / play with his hair and he'll fold completely
the first time you do it he'll probably involuntarily moan and get so embarrassed about it it'll take a few weeks before he'll let you do it again
during those few weeks he'll think about how your hands felt almost obsessively he's never felt anything like it
he'll create a list of movies to watch with you and once a month he'll let you choose the movie
he's really good at gift giving because he makes sure to pay extra attention to the things you like (especially movie related things bc he has good contacts)
he's definitely one of the first people to ever use letterboxd
he loves being able to drop you off at home from work because more often than not you'll stop someplace to get something to eat or head to his place and watch a movie and he loves doing that with you
he also likes picking you up in the morning because then you get to go on his coffee run with him (you'll make sure everyone's orders are correct and he'll whine and groan about it saying it's not worth the time but he appreciates it)
will definitely get you to do his work for him
his work clothes used to belong to his dad which is why they're just a tad too big for him
outside of work he typically wears zip-up hoodies and jeans with a graphic t-shirt (probably related to a film he likes)
instead of a bookshelf, he has a DVD shelf in his room (that's very well organized and categorized)
and he has a really high end tv and surround sound system that he and his dad paid for
he researched how movie theatres make their popcorn and buys the special ingredients directly from one by his house
used to have the whole script of citizen kane memorized but it's been a second since he last recited it
he's written his own scripts before but he doesn't think they're any good (he's pretty hard on himself about it)
but if he does end up making a project he'll 100% cast you in it
#evan peters fandom#evan peters#luke cooper fanfic#luke cooper#luke cooper x reader#the office#evan peters x reader#evan peters fanfic#luke cooper headcanons#the office fanfic
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